When You Realize You've Been Settling!

Sometimes the hardest thing to admit is the truth we’ve been avoiding: I’ve been settling and the receipts are there to prove it.

For me, that realization was a heavy one. Real heavy!

There came a point in my healing journey when God allowed me to see something I had been unwilling to acknowledge. My fear of abandonment and desire to feel liked, wanted, and accepted had influenced some of the choices I made in my life. I had allowed myself to settle for less than what I believed God had for me.  And the hardest part?

I didn't realize I was settling until I heard myself say it out loud.

I was having a conversation with someone when the words came out of my own mouth: “I’ve been settling.” Whew!

That moment hit me like a ton of bricks. But this time, I didn't run from the realization. I sat with it. Because healing had taught me something: awareness isn't meant to shame you. It's meant to free you.

I began to see how settling had kept me from making difficult decisions I already knew I needed to make. It had kept me comfortable when I needed to be courageous. It had caused me to shrink parts of myself just to feel accepted.

And settling didn't just affect my relationships. It affected my purpose, my dreams, and the way I saw myself. There were things God had placed down inside of me that I wasn't pursuing because I was too busy trying to hold onto what was familiar.

But here's what I know now: I don't have to punish the woman who settled. She was making decisions from the understanding, experiences, and pain she had at the time. But the woman I am becoming knows differently. And because I know differently, I choose differently.

No more settling just to be liked or to be wanted. No more settling because I'm afraid of what might happen if I let go. No more settling for what looks comfortable when I know I'm being called to something greater.

And let me be clear…choosing more doesn't mean believing I'm entitled to everything I want. It means being honest enough to recognize when something no longer aligns with who God is calling me to become.

Healing gave me the courage to say: No more! No more abandoning myself to keep someone else happy or silencing my voice to maintain comfort. No more shrinking my dreams to fit into places I have outgrown or confusing familiarity with God's best. I'm learning that sometimes the first step toward God's best is having the courage to release what isn't.

Now I want you to ask yourself: 

Where have you been settling?

What have you tolerated because you were afraid to let go?

Where have you silenced yourself because you wanted to be accepted?

What dream have you put on the shelf because settling felt safer?

And most importantly, what are you ready to say “no more” to?

Don't just answer the question, do something with your answer. Choose one place where you've been settling and take one courageous step toward something more aligned with who you are becoming. You don't have to change everything today.

But you do have to stop abandoning yourself to stay where you no longer belong.

Your healing may begin with these simple words: No more. I choose differently. 💜

With Kindness,

Dr. Rhonda